time for a real update...

not having a computer is frustrating. That leaves me to do any electronic word processing in the computer labs on campus, hardly a thought provoking environment!! So bear with me, as I try to sort out a few thoughts and make an attempt to let you know what is going on in my head and not just my life.

I walked across a stage yesterday in a timeless ritual. The president of the university handed me an empty diploma holder, and the only thought going through my head was "DONT TRIP! DONT TRIP! DONT TRIP! DONT TRIP!!!!!" Thank you Lord, I didn't trip.

I have said a lot of goodbyes in the last week. Unfortunately, I haven't left Longview yet. I have to get through commercial single engine and speech class first. Hopefully those will be done in two weeks. After that, I move on to Alaska!

Graduation automatically means transition. Coming to college was a huge transition, but at that point most people are naive enough to have no clue what life is all about. I know I didn't have a clue. I guess I wouldnt mind this transition so much if it wasn't so long. It really started back in December, when I packed everything up and moved out of my apartment in Longview. I went home... for a few weeks. I went to Africa... for a few months. Even in Africa I moved from place to place to place, never staying anywhere longer than a month, on average about 2 weeks per place. I came back to Longview, a place where I already said goodbye... for a few weeks. I am going to the ranch in Alaska... for a few months. At the end of the summer, if the Lord wills, I will be moving into Anchorage to work. Maybe then I will find a place where I can settle.

I love the thrill and adventure of travelling, moving around, seeing new places, and making new friends. But I am really tired of it. I am really looking forward to having a place I can hang pictures on the walls, put the dishes where I want them in the cabinet, stock a pantry full of food, organize a desk and calendar, and pick color themes for different rooms. Maybe by Christmas I will be able to walk in the front door and feel like I am home. Not my parents house, not my best friends house, but my home. I am beyond ready to feel a little more settled.

Beyond what I want to feel, though, is where God wants me to be. Through all the flurry of activities, the whirl of changing schedules and the strange noise deadlines make as they fly past me, I gotta try my best to remember where I am anchored. As much as I want to figure out what is best for my life and what I need, I should be seeking what God has planned for my life, and seeking what I need based on His standards, not my own.

I have come to an intersection. The street signs point in all different directions, and I can't clearly read what any of them say. From when I can first make out the intersection with the haphazard arrows, to when I am established on the next course is this period of transition. The only thing I know is that I cant go backwards. It would be like walking up the down escalator, it doesn't do any good, especially when the rest of the world is trying to go down.