thirst for adventure

I have been feeling restless. The excitement of a new job has melted into day to day life. The people I see, the food I make, the home I keep, have all turned into something, well, uninspiring. Is it the curse of winter? Maybe. Could my busy schedule have something to do with it? Probably.

Would an epic adventure solve all my problems? Likely not. Sure, it would temporarily quench my thirst for adventure. Depending on the adventure, it could make me content to be in PA for a good long while. But it wouldn't rid me of the restlessness permanently.

I have decided on two solutions.

One: Get some sunshine. How? A weeklong trip to California should do the trick. Even if it is rainy and muggy most of time, I think it will be a good 40 degrees warmer than I am used to, and the moisture will do my dried out Alaskan winter skin some good.

Two: exercise my imagination. I used to fabricate the most incredible creatures from a simple inanimate object. I could apply this attitude toward work, chores, and fun. I shouldn't have to go somewhere to find an adventure, I should be able to create it wherever my imagination goes.

the end of a break?

Has it really been almost a month since I have written?

As an on and off blogger, I feel that it fulfills my duties to be here and absent at will. As someone who knows how awful it is to watch their favorite blogger disappear into the busyness of real life, I can relate. Who am I kidding? The only people who fit into the latter have my phone number and can get an update on my life if they decide to call. Regardless, I have decided to try to be a little better about blogging.

Why? Several reasons...
1. so you can shamelessly keep up with me without having to actually talk to me. You know you love it.
2. Writing is enjoyable. From random strings of thoughts to well thought out topics, writing is the best outlet I have found to unwind, sort out thoughts, and otherwise express myself.
3. To re-read in the future. I really enjoy going back and reading blog posts. Whether I go back to read a correlating date (two years ago today), a specific trip (time in Africa) or a random topic, I find it amusing to see what I wrote. Some of it I wonder why it ended up being posted. Other stuff I realize was a pretty neat thought. Much of it stirs memories of adventures. All of it good to remind me of who I am.
4. To activate my imagination. Sometimes, it takes a healthy dose of imagination to make a day to day life interesting. But the most mundane day can turn into an incredibly daring tale of adventure and romance with a little imagination.

Sometimes words will fail me. Sometimes there will be plenty to say, but no time or energy for typing them. But I don't want to have to say that I didn't try.

homelessness

I feel homeless right now. I understand that its a part of transitions. I have been through enough of them recently! Port Alsworth doesn't feel like home yet. I am getting used to the daily life of walking everywhere, being able to go home for lunch, and only worrying about wildlife on the commute instead of wild drivers. I am getting to know people in the community a little better. I just get to the point where I miss having people around me who have experienced life with me.

When I went to Anchorage last month, I had to prepare myself. I had just begun to feel settled and established in Anchorage when I left. I had to tell myself that the city I was visiting is no longer home. It was great to spend some time with friends, and I can only imagine how easy it would be to be absorbed back into the city lifestyle. At the same time, I often found myself looking around and feeling out of place.

We went to see a movie at Bear's Tooth Friday night. Bear's tooth has two dining areas and a one screen movie theatre. They show movies that have mostly cycled out of the main theatres, as well as some classics and documentaries. The theatre is set up with booths and tables, and food is brought to you during the movie. A fun, and very popular, experience in Anchorage. I looked around at the crowd as we were leaving our movie. The line was all the way around the building for the next movie, and every seat was full from our movie. I think there were more people there at that point than live in my entire burough.

Anchorage, with all its entertainment and crowds, is not home. I am ok with that. But Port Alsworth isn't home yet either. When I am frustrated, I long for home. But where is home? Its a good way to remember that I was not created to be on earth forever. It can be my dwelling for now, but its never going to be a place to settle down.

somewhere between being still and accomplishing the to do list

I have so many things to do. Constantly swirling around my head is a list of things I need to accomplish, things I want to accomplish, and things I dont need to do, but would make me much happier. Then I start stressing about such things, and try to remember to let God be priority in my life. Then comes the voice that says "Be still and know that I AM God." Well, how is that supposed to help with the things I am trying to accomplish? In addition to all the things stressing me out, God is vying for my time. He shouldn't be in the same dimension as my to do lists.

But unlike everything else, He is not one to be multi-tasked. I can make a meal and do dishes at the same time. But I can't be still and vacuum at the same time. I try to put His time into the category of things that I do for enjoyment. I can be still and play cello, right? No. When I am playing cello, it takes a lot of brain power to read music, translate it into fingerings and bowings, and make it sound decent. Not a lot of being still.

So what am I doing when I should be either working on the to do list or being still? Blogging. Hopefully that falls under the category of "dont need to do but makes me much happier."