dangers of driving in anchorage

I have decided that its rather dangerous for pilots to drive within the city limits of anchorage. Not only do pilots tend to be horrible drivers, Anchorage provides significant aerial distractions for these drivers. Here is sample a day riding around Anchorage with a pilot.

Going into town, you come down the Glenn Highway. You may have seen airplanes flying overhead at this point, but the situation becomes increasingly dangerous the closer you get to town. Why? Because the final for one of the runways at Merrill field parallels the Glenn highway. For those of you who are not familiar with Alaska, Merrill is probably one of the busiest GA airports in the world. So, unlike driving by an old abandoned airport in the lower 48 where you aren't likely to see an airplane for miles, you are very likely to see several airplanes buzzing around the pattern.

Lucky for you, there is a plane on final. Given the previously stated fact that final on this particular day parallels the road you are traveling on, your pilot/driver immediately glues his eyes on the plane next to you. The typical pilot instantly assumes his car is an aircraft. "200 feet above the ground, flaps full." You feel the air conditioning turn on full blast as he flips the handle on the dash. If you are lucky, the cross wind will happen to be from the right. a more haphazard situation involves a left crosswind. When performing a crosswind landing, a skilled pilot puts the ailerons into the wind and applies opposite rudder. Suddenly, you realize the car is veering slightly to the left. Oh no....you realize he thinks the steering wheel is the aircraft control. Next comes the rudder correction... You are thrown back in your seat as he hits the left pedal. Naturally, if it was an airplane, you would hope your pilot is applying these control inputs... not so much in a car.

By this time you realize your driver/pilot is probably not paying one iota of attention to the traffic around you, so you start paying attention. Unfortunately for you, this is a pretty busy road, complete with stoplights. Great... the cars in front of you slow as the light turns red. "Brake... BRAKE!" You yell, to no avail. Of course he doesn't apply brakes. If a pilot locks up his brakes before he lands, he is going to end up popping a tire. An embarrassing situation at any airport, but especially at a busy place like Merrill. "LEFT RUDDER!!!!!" you finally scream as you brace yourself for impact. The car screeches to a halt, just barely missing the car in front.
"My approach wasn't that bad..." you hear the driver mumble. You wonder if he even noticed the red light.

As the flow of traffic resumes, Your driver turns his attention to the road again. But suddenly, you hear a deep rumbling. Oh no... You think again as you realize that Elmendorf Air Force Base is sending F-18s off at a regular pace. The car swerves uncontrollably as the pilot/driver tries to catch a glimpse of the fighters. "You hear that? That's what 11,000 pounds of thrust sounds like!" He shouts excitedly as you hear others honking around you. "Watch the road!" You holler. He still isn't paying any attention. Flabbergasted, you try a different approach. "FLY THE AIRPLANE!" You catch your breath as the car straigtens out and resumes travel in its own lane.

Thankfully you aren't going anywhere near Lake Hood, the float plane lake, today, or else you would REALLY be in trouble.